Written by Carol Porter – November 16, 2021
I know addiction. I’ve walked the walk.
I’m an alcoholic with 30 years of recovery. I know that road. That is the reason I came into restorative justice.
I’m an AA girl. They suggest that you let it out. We write it down and reveal it to our sponsor. I remember when I did my twelve-step program and we had to write down all of the bad things that I have done. It was very traumatic. I looked at it and said, “I can’t believe I did that stuff.” But I did do that stuff. I was brutally honest. I wrote down everything. It was bad.
I met my sponsor for dinner with the list that I had written. It took me days and days because it took me a long time to remember everything I had done. I tried to give my sponsor the paper. She said, “Well let’s eat first.” I thought to myself, “This is very important. She needs to read this now!” We finished dinner, and she said, “Now I think we will have dessert.” I thought, “Geez, doesn’t she get it?!?!?” So, we had our dessert, and she said, “Okay, give me the paper.” So, I gave her the paper. She tore it up and threw it away, saying, “There that’s all done. You don’t have to think and worry about that stuff anymore.” Then it was like a house had been lifted off of my head. When I started to agonize about everything I had done, I would drink. I was having a hard time staying sober. I was so distressed over all that stuff I did. The guilt was horrible. I couldn’t believe it was that easy to be able to let go of that stuff just by sharing it with another person.
My goal with clients is to dig down in and help them get rid of that stuff and get on the road to recovery. Getting rid of baggage is part of the cleansing process to get sober. In the Criminal Justice System, there are not enough healing resources to help offenders want to change. When offenders are able to talk to someone who has been in similar situations as them, they are able to relate. If they can’t relate, they are shut off.
Volunteering is very fulfilling and helps me grow. You listen to the crime that has been committed and build a relationship with the offender. I have never been involved with the legal system. However, I am able to relate to them and once they know where I come from, they are able to open up. I am giving back what I was given. I was given a second chance to be the person I am today. That was through being open and honest and talking. It wasn’t easy.
I enjoy doing Circles of Support and Accountability (CoSA) because they are long-term. There was a client that I spent several months with and we were able to build a rapport. He was young. He would call me Gram. He respected me and he liked that I was able to talk about stuff. This enabled him to talk about all of the stuff going on in his life. It was good for him.
Another client that I am with right now is very elusive. I keep hammering on him. He’ll say, “Boy, you’re persistent aren’t you.” or, “You’re outspoken.” While I’m thinking, “Yeah, and you’re lying!”
I have been volunteering for 7 years. I am always there. I like it. It is good for me.
The restorative justice system is private. It helps offenders release the built-up feelings inside of them that cause them to go to crime. The thought is, once they cleanse themselves, they have a good chance of not reoffending. They have worked on the basis of what causes them to commit a crime. Usually, it is drugs or alcohol. They are less likely to re-offend if they get personal in a meeting. That is my job. I pull the personal things out of them. It’s phenomenal.
A lot of offenders do not have any family or have been abandoned by their families because of their actions. The open-door policy that Martha has, well at least before the virus, allowed offenders to come in and out as they please. They would come and sit and visit. They felt like they were cared about. That is a safe place to go. They would come just to talk to Chris, Martha, and Jonathan. That is a warm feeling. Something some of them may have never had.
One thing that has changed my perspective since volunteering was my interactions with a young offender. My story is about using, while theirs is about crime. There was some resistance on my part. I thought to myself, “Geez I don’t know if he is going to make it.” I have a hard time trusting people, particularly, criminals. Through this process, that is gone. I take them for what they tell me and if they have lied to me, oh well, that is their choice.
My favorite memory is of a guy who would come in almost every day. He was homeless and had a whole life of crime. He bonded with Martha, Chris, and Jonathan. He felt really comfortable. You could see him changing and growing. He began to smile and make jokes. Before, he was rigid and didn’t trust anybody. At the Christmas party last year, he jokingly asked me to marry him. What I got from that was that he trusted me. It showed how far he had come. He felt comfortable enough to say, “I want to marry you.” He didn’t really want to marry me. What it meant to me was that he appreciated me.
The self-satisfaction from volunteering is beyond belief. The main goal is to help offenders. Then you realize how much it helps you grow as a person. Everyone needs to grow. They don’t have to be an alcoholic or drug addict to grow. Particularly those who have never been inflicted by those things. For them to see it, may change some of their thoughts. That has been very rewarding.
Last week we had a panel meeting. The client didn’t show. There were three volunteers. We stayed online for an hour just talking about our respective lives. It was awesome. Bonding outside of the panel itself creates a real dynamic for clients. It makes it work more with the clients. They see that we are friendly and like each other. I wouldn’t have thought that in the beginning.
Alcoholics and addicts have to reach a bottom. Sometimes their bottom is jail. They’re guilty and need to pay the price. Sometimes when they are given the opportunity, they turn it around. The community needs to be more open-minded. There have been many happy stories. I see hope.
